The Burning Question

A friend off the net I was MSNing with the other day is who propelled me to write this burning question. He's got a major toxic friend problem (this toxic friend requires cash... often.). I've had a bunch of toxic friends. They suck the very soul out of you every opportunity they get; but they are very hard to get rid of. The really successful toxic friend makes you feel sorry for them, trapping you to them because you don't want to dump them and make them any more patheticlly sad. SOme cut you off from your other friends before showing their true colours so that you don't have anyone to run to if you ditch them. Some you are just too scared of their reaction to get rid of them: you'd like your car to remain un-keyed, thank you.
Its very important to not bow to the pressure applied by these parisites. I know it sounds harsh, but you have to put yourself first: toxic friends can drain your self-esteem, your social life, your self-worth, your energy, your fridge, and your bank account. You are worth more than to be someone else's crutch.
Does anyone have any tips or stories about toxic friends and how to get rid of them????

Nudity. A few weeks ago I watched a documentary about naked calendars. Tonight there was a documentary regarding people who work naked.
I don't really have a problem with nudity. To me, topless sun bathing is something to aspire to when I am sufficently happy with myself. Our mothers were shocked to learn that Nathon and I walk around the house nude pretty much all the time... at least all the time it isn't too cold lol.
Why is it that nudity is so frowned upon?
Any ideas? Are you comfortable nude, or more comfortable clothed? Why do you think that is?

If you could go back in time and have a nice little chat with your younger self, would you do it? And if you would what would you say? Would you give advice, tell them they are special how they are, warn them about certain things or people, what would you say if you had the chance?

I used to be a sad little kid, I thought it would be better to just not be around. Almost everyone I knew pretty much disliked me for their own weird reasons, and I didn't know what it was like to be happy and wanted. So although I could tell myself to watch out for some people I've known I wouldn't. Instead I would tell my younger self that I will have some hard times, and bad relationships, but that everything will be ok in the end because I will finally find my place and my other half. I'd tell her it won't always be so hard... and she won't always be so unpretty lol.

Both my man and I have experienced bullying, him to a much greater degree than I.
I won't talk about what happened to him, its not my place to tell, and besides I'm writing for girls anyway. If anyone wonders why I always include my experiences if I can, then it isn't out of ego or to try and get sympathy: I just don't expect others to tell me things this personal and not to share myself.
My sisters and neices (from my father's side of the family) emotionally and verbally bullied me progressivly from the time I was 5 till I was 15. Although it hurt me very badly at the time, I think I got off lightly, compared to the things girls at school go through every single day. The text message assaults, ostrication from groups, taunting, name calling, rumours, lies, and so much more. I experienced a lot of this, but it could never go too far because our parents were always near and none of them were willing to be too overt in case they were caught. Most of my sisters were meaner to their daughters than either my sisters or their daughters ever were to me. Which is rather sad.
My mother says now that her biggest regret in life is how my dad's daughters and their daughters treated me. But she never lifted a finger to stop them. According to here it was my fault and I deserved it. The saddest thing is that a lot of teachers and principles in schools feel the smae way! That being bullied is a sign of your weakness or defectivness, or that you somewho throough your actions cause people to bully you. Bullies find people who they are smaller, shorter, quiter or shyer than themselves: they pick an easy target. Bullies don't bully you because of you, they do it to gain power in their own lives where there is none.   
So today I am asking: what has been your experience with girl to girl bullying? Either as the victim, bully or maybe even an onlooker or parent.

Some folk in the sex and relationship advice field think its ok to go off and look at porn, or flirt with someone, or think about what having an affair with someone would be like when you're in a relationship. That its not cheating. I don't think its ok. If you're in a relationship, then you're in it and should take care of it and focus solely on your partner. If the person you're with isn't 'enough' for you, then you shouldn't be sticking around but getting your fix somewhere else. Find someone who is enough, and let the person you're with do the same. I'm going to write a list of what cheating means to me, and I'd love to hear what you think... There's no right or wrong answer to this, so long as you're happy with your relationship. If you honestly don't mind your partner checking out other women etc, and you are letting him do it for your own healthy reasons, then there's no problem. But if you are putting up with something from your man which hurts you and leaves you feeling cheated on; because you are afraid of losing him, because you think you're not good enough, or because he won't change for you, then please please realise that a) none of this is your fault, b) you deserve to feel safe, loved and respected in your relationship, c) if your someone is not willing to cut out an activity that hurts you then he is probably not a safe bet: if you love someone and/or respect them then you do not want to see them hurt. You should mean more than Playboy.

Ok, so here's MY list, which is just that, my list... this is the standard to which my man and I hold ourselves. Every relationship is different. Just remember that you deserve to be treated the way you want to. Please write your own lists, if not here then in private... and give your own feelings a good look over anbd see if your needs for a relationship are being met.

Right.... list:
Pornography
Fantasy involving other people
Checking out other people
Flirting with another person
Thinking about a sexual or an emotional affair with another person
Kissing someone else
Touching someone else in a sexual manner
Having sexual feelings/thoughts about another
Sex with another

Might sound a bit strict, but to be honest, its not that hard to be monogomus with the right person. The thing is finding the right person, and weighing what you get from actions like those above against what you get from your partner.
I hope I have made some kind of sense and haven't made a blithering idiot of myself... lol Anyway, drop me a line or a list, or even a hi....

I'm doing a whole lot of reading for research for my book... which is damaging my uni work somewhat I suppose.lol
Anyway, I got three books out of the library today, one about date rape and abusive relationships, one about rape, and one about sex and relationships, yet none of them actually define any of the terms! Which has angered me somewhat. Every one of the books is up in arms about rape, abuse and sexual assault going unreported. Yet how do girls and women know it has happened to them if they don't understand what it is??? It took over a year for me to admit to myself that I had been sexually assulted. Because I was looking at the situations from the point of view of people like my mother and various others who attest that if you are with a guy somewhere, and don't do something which fits their scale of acceptable resistance, then it is your fault because you a)led him on, b) put yourself in that position and shouldn't be surprised, c) if you really didn't want you would have left or something to that effect. There are plenty of other bad ideas about sexual assaults that stop women from accepting what happened to them as what it truly is, and from reporting it.
What I'm asking today is:
What does rape, sexual assault, and date (or accuaintance) rape mean to YOU??

I had the absolute best sex of my life on friday night. And if your a girl, I'm sure you know what that means...
So I'm asking, for the information of many girls who want to know and are afraid to ask, about the fantastic O word. Yes, I mean orgasm! How, where, why, with what or who... !!! I know its a personal question, but its one you feel like shouting about from a big tower when it happens... lol

Early last year my now-fiance and I fell pregnant. So much was bad about the timing, not just that we were both young, but the relationship was fairly new, we could barly afford to pay the bills as it was, we had to move and I had to borrow from my parents just to have enough money for the bond, our parents would have killed us both, I'm still in Uni and my man and I will have to travel all over for his training when he joins the army. We just couldn't do it, at least not properly, the way your supposed to raise a baby. The kind of life he/she deserved was out of our reach. So we made the hardest decision in the world, and one I regret every single day. I wish with all my heart that we had listened to our hearts and not our heads. Last week my sister-in-law had a little boy, and it is tearing me apart.
I know its a very personal event, but if you'd care to share your experience, even via private message, it would be greatly appreciated.

The same loser with the condom line had a sticker on his wall. "I'm a Mountain man and I like Mountain women". Ha ha, wait a moment while I scoop my IQ off the carpet. I hated this sticker. It made me feel degraded in ways I was soon to find out were mild in comparison to what came next. But anyway, I hated it. And he said he loved me. But he refused solid to take it down. After some sulking on my part, it came down. But the very next vist, it was up again, next to my picture. So I took it down myself and torn it up. This second-hand piece of sticky paper meant more to him than making me happy. Why does this seem to be such a trend with men? Refusing to give up the smallest thing for the person they are with and should care for. Perhaps they are unwillling to give it up in case the relationship doesn't work out. But this reluctance to give away that porn collection or not squeeze toothpaste from the middle (why does this matter for women so much?????? I'm a girl, and I don't get it, maybe someone can help me with this too lol... no, seriously PLEASE!!!) can be the straw that breaks the camel's back in relationships.
So dudes, why so reluctant?

Yes, I want to talk about the things guys say to get you in bed, get you to do something kinky or just plain gross, make you feel like c**p so you'll stay with them, make you feel like its your fault when its not, basically all the things they say that are f%$ked up and intended to get from you what they want.
Like one boyfriend I had who told me condoms dissolve in water so I'd have unprotected sex in the shower... when that plan fell on its ass, he told me I treated him so badly I reminded him of his abusive father. Although I didn't end up having that shower, I did end up a self-harmer by the end that 3 day visit.
So, in the interest of outting the tricks men who say ANYTHING to get what they want, I'm asking women: What tricks have men used to get what they want from you? And I'm asking men: What tricks have you or a mate used to get what you want from a girl?