I'm so glad everything worked out for your family, you sound so happy and full of love for your them all. Its great to see that
And although I would gladly trade my own life to see my little baby smile, or to just brush his tiny cheek one time, and will regret with all my heart not having my child, there is nothing I can do about it now, except to inform other girls about the experience in the hope that they can find a way, or their courage, or to at the very least, let them know they are not alone if they decide they can't do it. As a little girl my mother tried to have another child, but she was in her forties and so she didn't succeed. But my life at that time was hell: my mother was physically and emotionally absive, my father emotionally absent except for when he told me I was fat and made him sick, my much older sisters took every opportunity to tell me I was horrible and how much I was not wanted around, and their children systematically bullied and beat me down mentally until, aged only 7, I wanted to die. Looking back on our lives then, it was not a home that could have given a child everything it needed. I know first hand what its like when people don't have what it takes emotionally, mentally or financially to take proper care of a child. I believe maybe your mother was scared, but when she fell pregnant, she found the courage to see it through. And it sounds like it was the right thing to do. But I have always believed that when you bring a baby into the world, you have a responsibility to give it the best life you possibly can. Your mother and her partner did that for both of you. But I'm assuming she was much older than me, as I was only one month into my 20th year. She had stability in a way I didn't. And I envy her and many mothers for that. And I will feel like I betrayed my baby for as long as I live, but if I had gone ahead, and been a single mother living in the mouse infested shed at my mother's house, dropped out of uni working as a checkout girl the rest of my life, what possible life could I have given him??? I'm in no way getting defensive, I think you just said something very powerful and I needed to discuss it. I believe your attitude is wonderful, but I had a terrible childhood, and there is no way I would do that to my own child. One day my fiance and I will be settled down with careers and money and a house. But most of all, our little baby bonded us together in a way I never knew existed, and when it comes time to have children, I know we will treasure them so much more and be better parents for our experience. I would never reccommend terminating a pregnancy. Ever. Because it kills you deep inside in a very big way. But the woman who does it is the only one who knows her mind, and her limitations. And if you cannot take the proper care in raising your child, you have no business having one. They are a beautiful and special gift, not to be taken into lightly.
I am so happy your family survived so well. You are all very lucky. But you must understand that life doesn't always work out that way. My neice fell pregnant during her abusive husband's rape trial, and he went to prison. She was raising her baby alone in a town where she knew no-one, living near a prison to see her husban who raped a 14 year old 'because his wife was bad at sex'. He was relesed and she took him back because they had a child together. She loves her baby, but had she not had her cild, she could have gotten away from him. What kind of life will the baby have now? With an abusive father and a mother beaten into submission.
Life is not perfect, and you have to make choices as you go along, making them based on the information you have at the time. I regret mine, always will. But in our hearts we know we couldn't have survived it. And a baby deserves to have so much. I'm glad your mother could give that. It makes my heart glad to know your story. And I can't wait until we are both settled enough to have child. I will hope to see a tiny glimmer of my babys smile in them.
Thank you so much for the chance to discuss all that. And for your lovely story. I hope I didn't offend you, honestly didn't mean to.
*burn

Thank you so much Sara. It means a lot to me that you would share your experience with me. Peoples opinions have increasingly made me feel lonlier and guiltier, so you have no idea how much your comment helped me today. I feel exactly the same as you do. I know we didn't have the maturity or stability to be parents, and I know that when we have children we will appreciate them so much more, partly because we never got to meet the person our baby could have been.
As for honesty, I don't believe anyone should tell me anything which I haven't shared with them. Especially things so intimate and personal.
Thank you so very much, you are a wonderfully sweet person.
I hope your life with you family is always beautiful.
*Burn