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What Does Rape Mean To YOU???
by sugarburn @ 2007-04-17 - 23:34:57

I'm doing a whole lot of reading for research for my book... which is damaging my uni work somewhat I suppose.lol
Anyway, I got three books out of the library today, one about date rape and abusive relationships, one about rape, and one about sex and relationships, yet none of them actually define any of the terms! Which has angered me somewhat. Every one of the books is up in arms about rape, abuse and sexual assault going unreported. Yet how do girls and women know it has happened to them if they don't understand what it is??? It took over a year for me to admit to myself that I had been sexually assulted. Because I was looking at the situations from the point of view of people like my mother and various others who attest that if you are with a guy somewhere, and don't do something which fits their scale of acceptable resistance, then it is your fault because you a)led him on, b) put yourself in that position and shouldn't be surprised, c) if you really didn't want you would have left or something to that effect. There are plenty of other bad ideas about sexual assaults that stop women from accepting what happened to them as what it truly is, and from reporting it.
What I'm asking today is:
What does rape, sexual assault, and date (or accuaintance) rape mean to YOU??

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Tags: personal definitions, rape, sexual assault,

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ajnspencerajnspencer pro
http://www.devon-photography.co.uk
17/04/07 @ 23:47

Hmm, if I can comment as a bloke? :D

To me it's any time where it's something one person doesn't want to do sexually and the other person knows this.

It gets a lot more blurry round the edges if both participants are drunk or on drugs, not I say BOTH.

If a sober bloke takes advantage of a drunk or drugged girl then the bastard deserves prosecuting.

It's easy to forget men can be raped too, and I mean by women *shrug* it's often overlooked that side of things.

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sugarburnsugarburn [Member]
18/04/07 @ 15:42

Thank you for commenting, especially as a bloke. :) While I understand your definition and think you have a pretty good idea, the one thing I'm not sure about is if you can really rule a line between both people being drunk and one person being drunk. I don't think being drunk is not an excuse. Or that because both parties were intoxicated that it nullifies a rape. No menas no even when both parties are drunk. If you can't control yourself while intoxicated, then you shouldn't drink. Don't mean to jump all over you or anything, just wanted to discuss... promise :)
I do understand that men can be raped; by both men and women, same as women can. I didn't mention it however, because this blog is about women. I hope I didn't offend you by ommitting it. One day I'll get around to writing a book for men too... but I'm going to need a heck of a lot more help lol.
Thanks for commenting. Oh, and since your a guy, if you feel inclined, would you run through some of my other questions? Always good to get the dudes point of view. :)
Sincerely and with thanks,
*Burn

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ajnspencerajnspencer pro
http://www.devon-photography.co.uk
18/04/07 @ 17:22

Don't worry, I didn't feel jumped on, it's a debate! :D

My percieved difference between both people and one person being drunk is simply that it greys the line. It is easy to say "simply don't drink" but I can name at least two things, alcoholism and peer pressure, that puts that under the heading "easier to say than do".

I've also seen enough cases when it's been a drunk woman who has initiated things with a drunk bloke only to then feel post coital regret. Thankfully I'm not a heavy drinker so I have very few tales of drink related embarrassment (and none of a sexual nature) but I have friends of both sexes who have their fair share.

I think the only point I'm making re alcohol is that it blurs the issue, I think rape is rape when it's intentional. As I said in my definition above it's when people know what they're doing isn't what the other wants.

If two parties get ratted and end up in bed it all comes down to motives and becomes tricky, who started what etc, etc.

To stand up a little for my side of the gene pool sometimes it seems too cut and dried, drunk bloke + drunk woman = predatory bloke... (I know it's a book for girls but both sides do sometimes need to be put ;))

In a moment of (perhaps wrong) light heartedness maybe we need a milder crime of "Bonking Under the Influence"...

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