A friend off the net I was MSNing with the other day is who propelled me to write this burning question. He's got a major toxic friend problem (this toxic friend requires cash... often.). I've had a bunch of toxic friends. They suck the very soul out of you every opportunity they get; but they are very hard to get rid of. The really successful toxic friend makes you feel sorry for them, trapping you to them because you don't want to dump them and make them any more patheticlly sad. SOme cut you off from your other friends before showing their true colours so that you don't have anyone to run to if you ditch them. Some you are just too scared of their reaction to get rid of them: you'd like your car to remain un-keyed, thank you.
Its very important to not bow to the pressure applied by these parisites. I know it sounds harsh, but you have to put yourself first: toxic friends can drain your self-esteem, your social life, your self-worth, your energy, your fridge, and your bank account. You are worth more than to be someone else's crutch.
Does anyone have any tips or stories about toxic friends and how to get rid of them????
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- 2007-06-13 @ 23:29:41
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The_Walrus
Pro - http://www.doctor-dark.co.uk
- 2007-06-13 @ 23:36:55
Be nicer to them than they deserve. That usually does it.
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subville
- http://subville.blog.co.uk/
- 2007-06-21 @ 23:09:14
This is my pet peeve too. I've //almost// gotten rid of them all but, as you say, it's pretty difficult because of the social structure. My son cops it when I try to cut free, and I get bad-mouthed all over town (assumptions, and downright lies) xx
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I understand completely. I broke off a friendship recently with a toxic friend after he blogged something nasty about myself and my fiancee. I had been taking a break from our friendship as I was having trouble dealing with things he had done to me. I would have returned to the friendship had he not insulted my fiancee (one of many many times he has done so, but this time was worse). I wouldn't have stood up for myself, but I did stand up for him. I should have done it long ago, because anyone who can hurt you that much and not give a damn is not your friend.
I am really sorry to hear that your son is getting caught up in the crap this person is pulling. People really can make life awful. I hope you both come out of it ok, its never easy.
Thanks for the comment, sorry you got a tome of a reply, guess I needed to vent it lol,
Loni
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subville
- http://subville.blog.co.uk/
- 2007-06-22 @ 00:42:44
No need for apologies, honestly. It's a 'big issue' for me too and has been for a while. In fact I blogged a private post about it recently
My son gets caught up in it when 'her' two kids decide not to speak to him at school and he's baffled by it ... not having a clue why folk do that kinda thing. He understands more than I realised now. Still finds it difficult to let say no to the friendship even though it's bad for him. Also her eldest is his cousin
***scream***
x-
Ahhhh.... right. When relitives are involved, it's even harder. Can't you choose your family... unfortunatly xx(
My dad's daughters are all around my mum's age and they strongly objected to mum and dad's marraige. So I copped the flack not only from my 'sisters' but from their kids as well. So much fun lol.
So I probably understand how your son is feeling; its really hard when you're little and people do things to you for apparently no reason. Especially when it's family, because you feel like they are the people who are meant to like you and when they yo-yo with you (being friendly off and on) its very confusing.
I hope he comes through ok, it took me 16 years to ignor them and give as good as I got. Its satisfying now to give them the big f-u. lol
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- 2008-08-08 @ 21:47:54
My friend always try to blame everything on me especially if it was her that did or said it and its hard to ditch her beacause se can be so nice 2 me nd she doesnt do it 2 all my other friends so its really hard for them to no what i mean when i say she is horrible to me so if i ditch her then im gonna be ditching my other friends!
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- 2008-09-15 @ 09:24:09
I've been struggling with this just recently. I have a set of friends that up until recently I considered to be very close, and like everyone had their issues, but the fact remained I cared for them & their wellbeing as I would any close friend, and I assumed the same was true.
It was only recently, having announced my engagement that I started to realize that there was hidden animosity and competitiveness that I was just too naive/stupid to see before i guess.
They've been engaged for nearly 12 years now, and I’ve never made any type of derogatory comment about the length of their engagement, the constant makeup/breakup etc. But when I said we were getting married in December, their attitude shifted to one of belligerence. They then booked their wedding 2 months before ours, to which I responded, fabulous! What can I do to help (we were each other’s maid of honor). Her fiancé then told me, and I quote, “we have to get married before you.’’
Then I picked a venue. They picked the same one. Sigh. Even then I still tried to look on the bright side, when they relayed this somewhat shamefaced, I didn’t blink an eye. We didn’t know the same people, whatever.
A series of similar events ensued & I started to think back about the history of our friendship. It was full of them borrowing funds that they conveniently forgot to pay back. Or they would take years to pay back in small 50$ increments. My fault for loaning, I know. & frankly, I don’t particularly care about money, but it just further illustrated their abuse of the friendship. He would come on to me any time he had a chance, only got worse after I got engaged (yes, I tried to relay this to her, but got a, that’s just him).
I’ve taken the position of wishing happy birthdays, responding to emails politely, but I don’t try and set things up anymore. I decline invitations to dinner or anything with them unless it’s in a group. I was pretty sad about it at first, but after a month of not having them in my life, I realized how much lighter I felt, & how incredibly drama free I feel =)
They’re toxic to each other in their relationship; I don’t know why I expected their interactions with other people to be different.
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- 2009-04-01 @ 17:04:52
I have been trying very hard the last six month or so to get my life in line with the kind of people I want in it. It has been quite an ordeal truly and I haven't found a way to eliminate them completely. But I don't go out with them any longer ignore their request on myspace and facebook and I NEVER call them or forward playful texts to the, in fact I even deleted most of the numbers of those people and I don't answer numbers I don't have in my phone. It hasn't stopped the rumors yet but I hope it will soon and it mostly just shows me how influential I MUST be, LOL! Hopefully this helps you, OH and I prey as well for them to find happiness somewhere else, LOL
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- 2009-05-24 @ 16:13:23
I have a toxic friend too which I can't shake off. She's an old friend who I was mates with as a teenager. When I went to uni we kept in touch although we did drift apart as we both evolved as people, get different groups of friends & didn't have much in common anymore. When I moved home after uni we met up now & then to catch up with was fine.
However, a year ago she split from her long term partner (she finished it) & since then has clung to me like clue. The only reason she wants to spend time with me is because I'm her only single friend & she wants a drinking partner to go on the pull with. Also she's very needy & cannot be on her own for five minutes so she expects me to spend all my spare time watching tv with her at her parent's house.
At first I didn't mind as I knew she was going through an emotional time with the break up. But it's been a year now & she's still so clingy. Spendng so much time together I've really go to know her & it's not good! She has a lot of issues & insecurities which she makes very apparent by the way she slags everyone off. She's bad with money & has lent money off me which she clearly has no intention of paying back. She's a bit of a spoilt brat & seems to be of the attitude she should get her own way all the time & never consider anyone elses feelings. She's very bossy too.
I have decided this friendship is dead & I do not get any pleasure out of spending time with this person anymore. I know she doesn't either she just wants someone to cling to. I have started ignoring her calls which is difficult because she rings me all the time. She's got pally with my mum too so if I don't answer she rings my mum!
I don't want to tell her outright that I just don't like her anymore because first of all I don't know how to say it without being nasty! I don't want to fall out with her I just want her to back off and stop pestering me all the time. It's so draining!
This is how I deal with them. I detox and move on.